he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
