at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
