So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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