my mouth tastes like poor choices
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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