I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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