May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
