She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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