Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
