I should be sponsored by Trojan
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
