OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
