How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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