No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
