I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
