Where is the hickey?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
