And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
