You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
