so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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