I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
