i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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