plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize