can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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