I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
