what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
