somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
