Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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