take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
