We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
