when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
