I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize