every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
