It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
