Are we in a gay sports bar?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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