i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
