I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
