can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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