I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
