I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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