I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is my gift to your gina
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
