I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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