Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize