that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize