Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
