ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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