So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
