Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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