I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
