Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
