you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Sext me about skeletons
We are all done wearing pants today
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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