I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
