We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize