My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
