Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
