You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
