Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize