You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
