You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
