We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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