Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
