I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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