Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He uses pillows to masturbate.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
