this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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