She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
