We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
