Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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