worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
