i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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