He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
