The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
