Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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