its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
