where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
