I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
