we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
