how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
