birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
