We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize