there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
