This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
