Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
