I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize