I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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