Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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