There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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