thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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