I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
