Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
