Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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