hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
