FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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