omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
