a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
