she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
