Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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