Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
