We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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