Pappa wants mamma naked
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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