I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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