If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My vagina is very pro this idea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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