After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize