I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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