She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
