suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
