The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
