whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
