I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
