Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize