spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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