This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
