All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
